Ooobie on Everything

Fifty ways to smear your rival

I’ve been cowering in anxiety over these many weeks, watching the madness unfold. Even as we in the US speak of using tactical nukes when needed and train our European allies how to operate the mechanics using real nukes, we narrow inexorably our diplomatic contacts with Russia. Like, why do you need contacts when you, like, really really hate the other guy? Of all the loonies, the US and UK are the absolute worst, although they have a cause (war with Russia), while so many EU and NATO member countries merely have interests, none of which actually include war with Russia.

Let’s start with the case of the Skripals, who were living peacefully under the aegis of the UK Government, which had years ago traded some Russian spy cooling his heels in a UK prison for Father Skripal, a man who gave the UK/NATO secrets for money, but who was never a KGB/FSB agent. Just a greedy Russian, well-placed. Oddly enough, the daughter has been allowed to wander to and fro freely between Russia and the UK, never having been raped or even given a secondary examination at any Russian entry point. (A totally inadvertant pun.) I can’t vouch for the British.

Dang, every time NATO or its members need a boost for some cock-eyed idea or adventure, the Russians pony up the needed boost. Look at all those brilliantly timed cw attacks in Syria, which allowed the US to bomb some derelict Syrian aircraft and give Nikki Haley her “Die Hard” lines. From the moment this story emerged I said (I really did), “let us await the miraculous recovery of said duo.” And bingo. Yulia, daughter, told her cousin by phone (and I’ll get to that) that she and Dad were just hunky-dory and no problems. Do not worry! And yes, now the Brits tell us, both the Skripals and the inadvertent cop who ran to their assistance are all well and recovering at meteoric rates. It’s a miracle. Not to mention the miracle that this hyper-deadly substance snagged only three people! But then…

Then there is the bizarre case of the dead pets. Supposedly when the animal-loving Brits swarmed over the Skripal home, discovering the cw-smeared front door knob, they never noticed two cats and a guinea pig — no doubt in a big cage! Squealing! Now those beloved family members are dead after gruesome weeks of what? Was it cw that killed them, after untold suffering? Or was it starvation and dehydration, leaving the victims so far gone a vet had to put them down? This also raises the question of whether, in fact, the Skripal home was really “searched,” as they surely knew where the cw was — on that front door knob that nobody but the two Skripals apparently touched. But they missed the squealing guinea pig! It had better be cw or I’m writing to PETA. And SPCA. And if those animals died of cw contamination — egads. The Russians came up with a deadly agent that allows humans miraculous recovery one hundred percent of the time, but murders household pets without exception.

Do you remember the neutron bomb? People hated the very idea, because it killed people but left property values unchanged. Well, at least it left property undamaged. This is called “precision targeting.”

If the Skripals ever doubted who owned them, now they really know.

Okay, back to the phone call. How was this woman, still under intense security, and in a hospital, manage to call Moscow, a call monitored of course by the loathsome FSB? Doesn’t that ring a little odd to you? Did the Brits not know she had a mobile phone? Did she borrow a phone from another patient and call home to Moscow? And how embarrassing that Moscow immediately made it known that the two Skripals were fine, straight from the victim’s mouth.

Okay, so I don’t believe a word of what either the UK or the NATO chorus tells us is so. I am awaiting the evidence, which nobody except NATO and close friends are allowed to see. Guilty until proven innocent prevails, and those dropping bombs for democracy see no conflict.

In any case, the scientists at the UK’s Porton Down, located only a few miles from where the Skripals allegedly fell into comas on a park bench, seemingly decided to save their consciences and screw the government. They made public what they had previously leaked: there is no way to trace back the substance used to who made it. Amazingly, trace cw doesn’t usually have fingerprints or DNA. Now Boris Johnson, the UK Foreign Minister, and everybody else declare they never said it came from Russia. I have to wonder, do they really think us so stupid that we can’t remember what they were screaming at us a few days ago?

So the UK has had to very slightly amend their statement that the stuff “no doubts about it, slam dunk,” came out of Russia, to “it is beyond any reasonable doubt that…”. I really appreciate that droll irony the Brits unfurl when needed, now citing due process to explain why due process was unnecessary.

As for that useless Organization for the Prevention of Chemical Weapons (OPCW), it has thrown its reputation to the winds by violating its own rules and denying Russia access to any information being used as the basis for such a grave allegation.  Instead OPCW cites the need for UK “good will” in allowing the rules to be followed. Fat chance. What a bunch of weenies, and to think, our lives are in their hands.

One last word on the whole farce. Just in the past couple of days, the OPCW showed up for a surprise inspection of cw-free (as declared under international inspection) Russia. Recall that the US is still drawing out the process of destroying its own significant cw stockpiles, which probably contain Novichok-type cw. So not only is Russia unfairly charged, tried and convicted absent any pretense of due process, but now it is singled out for “special inspection” by the very organization denying Russia access to information. Stinkeroo.

Next. Syria. This is why Trump’s governance makes you dizzy. He is panting to get out of Syria, but the Generals, his besties, are not. Some generals are talking about that glorious day when Assad is deposed and democracy rules in Damascus. Hello. ISIS is a goner and if we cooperated with Assad, would be gone. Only five percent of the country is in terrorist hands and Assad has reasserted control (to great popular relief) over most of the country. But still we want to set up illegal bases and act as lightning rods for malcontents? Puh-leeze. Trump, follow your instincts. Pull our guys out and set them up on the US southern border.

And the Mexican invasion. I have to say, I was impressed at the rapidity with which Peña Nieto stopped the looming caravan of unwanted’s that threatened our border. Once Trump pulled out his wallet and saw no money for Mexico and a lot fewer jobs for all those pent-up Mexicans after a NAFTA rewrite or death, the path forward was clear. And I know how venal our friends in Latin America are from close experience. Still, overnight is impressive. I favor the use of the national guards on the border and the wall, physical and technical. Once again, I urge that a country needing lots of manual labor develop a migrant program based on existing ones, where families remain back home, and worker spends no more than half a year working and the other half back home. Then we all are satisfied except those who just want slave-wage labor.

Finally, Mueller. Does this guy know that Ukraine and Russia are no longer, after thousands of years, the same thing? The Russians sometimes get similarly confused. So far, he has zip except on financial shenanigans in Kiev (gasp) that are not supposed to be his bailiwick at all. I figure the worst crime by Manafort was representing the guy who liked Russia, rather than the guy we were about to put into power via a putsch. Rosenstein, another presumed member of the Secret Society mentioned by Romeo and Juliet, told him to go ahead. Dive in! Find out anything on anybody in the entire Cosmos as long as it isn’t Hillary Clinton!

Another hint to Trump: get a new FBI director, assistant director and top bureau officials. Start laying down the law of “Strict Neutrality” and acting against those who still want to wage political warfare using our civil service. Take another look at the Justice Department. And be prepared to go outside the system to get a house-cleaning long, long overdue.